How Do I Deal with Difficult People?

How Do I Deal with Difficult People?
Thursday, August 2, 2018

Thank you for the wonderful response to my last blog. I am so grateful to have a following of individuals who are encouraged and inspired by some of the questions I am discussing.

This week the question is "How Do I Deal with Difficult People?"   We live in a world with other people and no matter what you will have to learn to communicate with them, work with them and attend gatherings with them.

When I first took over the position of Senior Minister at Center of the Heart it was not an easy journey. I had to learn to process my emotions when a few individuals were not very "kind" to me. I had a spiritual teacher tell me that eventually, I would not be bothered emotionally by negative people as I would evolve. I would feel a sense of inner calm, strength and peace. That's exactly what has happened.

The individuals who were the most difficult people are now my friends. My worst critic became my best supporter and came to service each week, when he was living in Santa Barbara, and always gave me appreciation about my talk. It is nothing short of a miracle, as my energy changed, those around me shifted. Hmm, maybe it is an inside job after all. As I delved within to heal my anger issues, low self esteem and insecurities I started to feel freer. I am happier and don't get triggered by those "beloved ones" anymore.

You are probably saying "That's great for you but what do I do?"  

The practices I used and use are as follows:
Be aware of the feelings in your body when a difficult person is rude to you. Do you stand there in shock or go to anger? Years ago there was a woman who triggered me so much I wanted to reach across my desk and shake her. I can still remember that meeting like it was yesterday.   I had to stop the meeting as I was not able to let go of my anger. In spiritual circles, we understand that difficult people and situations help us grow but it can be a brutal learning experience.

What did I do? I have a forgiveness process that I use to release the anger.   I journal, I yell into a pillow, exercise, do yoga, talk to someone about what happened. Anyway, and every way that I can to let go and process. It is hard to forgive when the unhealed part of me wants to be righteously right. I say, Dear God I now turn this situation over to you. I am willing, to be willing, to be willing, to be willing, to forgive..... person, situation, etc.

Now if you can't do staying calm in a situation, then walk away and breathe.   Tell the individual how he or she may speak to you, which is by not yelling, being abusive or hostile. If he or she is unable to do that then ask the individual to leave and set a clear, healthy boundary for you. Recently a woman arrived after our service on Sunday and wanted me to write a letter and lie for her. I didn't know her, she did not attend the service and she started to scream at me in front many people in the community room.   I held my calm, told her I would not write the letter and to please leave the property. I took care of my needs and the safety of our community members.

When possible, I just listen and ask questions to understand exactly what he or she is saying. Then I have a conversation with them to find out what is the root of the problem.   Most of the time it's not about me it's about something else gone awry in their lives. They are projecting the pain of their life onto me. Seek to understand and you will be amazed how the negative energy discharges. Hearts open and communication is able to happen. 

The byproduct of a spiritual practice and doing the work to release past wounds and programming is a more balanced and joy filled life. We have classes, workshops and speakers at Center of the Heart who have helped me learn to love and honor myself.

When I truly feel loving kindness toward myself then the people around me show up as loving kindness. You are love in action. Love is who you are. Affirm, "The love of God flows through me at all times. When people see me, they see the love."

If you have not been to our Center of the Heart or its been awhile since we have seen you, let us give you a boost of positive energy to enhance your week. I look forward to seeing you soon.

We would like to support you in prayer. Send us your prayer request and let us know how we may hold you in prayer via email or provide us with your phone number and best time to call and we will have someone pray with you over the phone. We are honored and blessed to support you and we will be happy to pray for you.

Peace, blessings and harmony to you,
Rev Maryum Morse